Sessions & Costello in “Who’s on Russia?”

Jeff Sessions:  Strange as it may seem, we give special counsels nowadays very peculiar names.

Carol Costello:  Funny names?

Jeff Sessions:  Nicknames, nicknames.  Now, on the Washington team we have Who’s on Russia, What’s on Fusion, I Don’t Know is on Uranium–

Carol Costello:  That’s what I want to find out.  I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the Department of Justice team.

Jeff Sessions:  I’m telling you.  Who’s on Russia, What’s on Fusion, I Don’t Know is on Uranium–

Carol Costello:  You know the fellows’ names?

Jeff Sessions:  Yes.

Carol Costello:  Well, then who’s looking into Russian collusion?

Jeff Sessions:  Yes.

Carol Costello:  I mean the fellow’s name on Russia.

Jeff Sessions:  Who.

Carol Costello:  The fellow going after Russia.

Jeff Sessions:  Who.

Carol Costello:  The guy taking care of Russia.

Jeff Sessions:  Hillary is taking care of Russia, but Who is looking after Russia.

Carol Costello:  Well, what are you askin’ me for?

Jeff Sessions:  I’m not asking you–I’m telling you.  Who is on Russia.

Carol Costello:  I’m asking you–who’s on Russia?

Jeff Sessions:  That’s the man’s name.

Carol Costello:  That’s who’s name?

Jeff Sessions:  Yes.

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Carol Costello:  When they pay off the guy who’s on Russia every month, who gets the money?

Jeff Sessions:  Every dollar of it.  And why not, the man’s entitled to it.  Well, more or less.

Carol Costello:  Who is?

Jeff Sessions:  Yes.

Carol Costello:  So who gets it?

Jeff Sessions:  Why shouldn’t he?  OK – sometimes his friend Rosy comes down and collects it.

Carol Costello:  Who’s Rosy?

Jeff Sessions:  Yes.  Or Rosy’s Who, depending on whose Who.

Carol Costello:  Who’s Who?

Jeff Sessions:  Absolutely.

Carol Costello:  Well, all I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on Russia.

Jeff Sessions:  Oh, no, no.  What is on Fusion.

Carol Costello:  I’m not asking you who’s on Fusion.

Jeff Sessions:  Who’s on Russia!

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Carol Costello:  Washington has a good FBI?

Jeff Sessions:  Oh, absolutely.

Carol Costello:  The guy on Hillary’s emails?

Jeff Sessions:  Why.

Carol Costello:  I don’t know, I just thought I’d ask.

Jeff Sessions:  Well, I just thought I’d tell you.

Carol Costello:  Then tell me – who’s looking into Hillary’s emails?

Jeff Sessions:  Who’s on Russia.

Carol Costello:  Stay out of foreign affairs!  The email person’s name?

Jeff Sessions:  Why.

Carol Costello:  Because.

Jeff Sessions:  Oh, he’s on Clinton Foundation.

Carol Costello:  Wait a minute.  You got a prosecutor on this team?

Jeff Sessions:  Wouldn’t this be a fine team without a prosecutor?

Carol Costello:  Tell me the prosecutor’s name.

Jeff Sessions:  Tomorrow.

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Carol Costello:  Now, when the guy leaking the fake news gives me a tip–me being a good investigator–I want to get a statement from the guy on Russia, so I pick up the microphone and shove it in whose face?

Jeff Sessions:  Now, that’s the first thing you’ve said right.

Carol Costello:  I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!

Jeff Sessions:  Go on.

Carol Costello:  I take the leak to the Russia guy, whoever makes a statement, and then I run to the Fusion guy.  Who makes a statement and gives it to what.  What takes it to I don’t know.  I don’t know takes it back to tomorrow–a triple play – Times, Post and CNN.

Jeff Sessions:  Yeah, it could be.

Carol Costello:  Another guy takes the tip to the guy on the Clinton Foundation.

Jeff Sessions:  Because.

Carol Costello:  Why? I don’t know. And I don’t care.

Jeff Sessions:  What was that?

Carol Costello:  I said, I DON’T CARE!

Jeff Sessions:  Oh, that’s our ethics expert!

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Carol Costello:  Why don’t we get back to who’s on Uranium?

Jeff Sessions:  I Don’t Know’s on Uranium.

Carol Costello:  Then who’s on Fusion?

Jeff Sessions:  Who’s on Russia.

Carol Costello:  I’m asking the questions here!

Jeff Sessions:  Did you know that uranium has nothing to do with fusion?

Carol Costello:  Well, that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all day.  The only thing these scandals have to do with each other is they’re trying to tear down Hillary.

Jeff Sessions:  Fission.  That’s how uranium works.

Carol Costello:  Oh my god!  They said you were a racist!  But you understand!  It’s TOTALLY a fishing expedition.  They started out with Russia and next thing you know, they’re going after Uranium.

Jeff Sessions:  I always wondered how they enrich uranium.

Carol Costello:  Probably in the budget.  I can get that information for you if you’d like.

Jeff Sessions:  Did you know uranium is still useful after it’s been depleted?

Carol Costello:  OH MY GOD!  Do you mean this thing is going to keep going on?  Will they EVER leave that poor woman alone?

Jeff Sessions:  Uranium is amazing stuff.  And we can literally thank the stars for it!

Carol Costello:  Yeah, I have to agree.  Harvey Weinstein.  That idiot blew everything.